Stay away from knobs in the shower
My family has gone to Exeter for the weekend, to stay with my father's ex-wife and her husband. (Until recently, I haven't thought about it like that. Using the words 'ex-wife' always makes it seem black-and-white, when it isn't at all, really. I've always known them as Martina and Dave-who-makes-nice-hotcross buns.) I am staying here.
Before I left for college this morning, my mother fretted and bit her lips, before standing up and announcing, "and now a few rules." She waved her hand towards Matt, who picked up a pen and played scribe. Between the two of them, they created a bizzare little list of do's and don'ts.
"Do you remember how to make hot water?" he asked.
Before I left for college this morning, my mother fretted and bit her lips, before standing up and announcing, "and now a few rules." She waved her hand towards Matt, who picked up a pen and played scribe. Between the two of them, they created a bizzare little list of do's and don'ts.
- Don't play in the oven. I am supposed to infer from this that I should not let my friends see the disgrace which is the inside of the oven.
- No ball-eating. About cereal.
- Heating = 15 degrees C when you're out or in bed.
- Switch everything off.
- CAREFUL OF OVEN. Exactly like that, in capitals and underlined.
- Feed the animals in the ark. I assume the pets are meant.
- Don't use the cling film. My mother has an irrational fear.
- Stay away from (strange) men. Matt's contribution.
- Bed by 6PM. Sleep by 7PM. This must be a joke!
- No computer. Hmm.
- Call Jane (my mother's friend) every hour on the hour.
- Go for coffee with Jane on saturday. This was written after my mother moaned that she would miss her Saturday coffee with her friend. I think I'd make a pretty terrible substitute.
- Text emergency texts REGULARLY.
- Stay away from knobs in the shower. It is slightly broken. My friend asked, does that just apply to Kiwi then?
"Do you remember how to make hot water?" he asked.
kiwiqueen - 26. Jan, 16:47