My relaxing bath was more eventful than the standard bath. What happened? I emptied a mixture of Lush products into the tub, and lowered myself into the scalding water. Burnt foot, splashed about and climbed out again, and spent ten minutes mopping up. Climbed back in, humming very loudly and tunelessly to drown out the sound of my father/brother/mother's shouting coming from the rooms below. Humming was ineffective, so I submerged my ears below the water. Shouting much much louder.

("You are such a waste of space! Listen....LISTEN to me! No, it's not on, it's not carrying on like this, I will come in with you and we will TALK about how you will improve....don't smirk! I am teaching you a VALUABLE lesson....")

Followed by door slamming. So I conjugated my French words out loud, in a shouty annoyed sort of way. Shouting stopped, I ceased conjugating, and inhaled the smell of "hot milk" bath water. Unfortunately, water too close to nose, and I ended up inhaling bubbles and not smell. After I'd recovered, I examined microscopic bubbles with uncompromising cross-eye effects, and then staggered out of the water, temporarily blinded by millions of miniscule pin-pricks of light.

Recovered once more, I walked around bathroom waggling fingers at an imaginary (very interested) audience, saying, in tones of grandness (undermined, perhaps, by the white fluffy bath robe):

"Comment les jeunes de nos jours se détendre?" At this point I mused for a second, before giving an account of my relaxing bath (in French, of course.)