...It's the fall of the world's own optimist.*

Starting barbecues in the rain requires Natural Optimism, a quality I do not possess.

Once upon a cold grey Saturday, I helped start a barbecue I watched someone start a barbecue. Whilst starting the barbecue, we had a conversation. It went something like this. I have not taken into account the yelps of surprise as coal flung itself off the barbecue and onto our wet trainers.

Barbecue Starting Man: You look skeptical.

Me: *gazing up at the sun umbrella perched precariously over the barbecue, filtering the thick smoke into our faces and preventing the fine drizzle from further weakening the chances of the few sparks surviving * Yes.

Barbecue Starting Man: None of that. Look, this is going fine!**

Me: Hmmm. I think you put too much coal on.

Barbecue Starting Man: What you need is some good old British Natural Optimism.

Me: I don't really do optimism. Especially when it's raining. How old are you now?

Cue the long and slightly depressing conversation about death I had intended us to have. Just to prove a point. When it comes to age, even the Barbecue Starting Man's optimism fizzles out. A little like the barbecue did half an hour later.

I think I depressed him.



* This line is from Aimee Mann's song - Fall of The World's Own Optimist. How very apt.

** FINE is not a word. I have banned it indefinitely. When someone asks "How are you?" you do not say "fine" back.

"Fine" means, "My boyfriend just dumped me", or "Never been worse, I just don't want to talk to YOU about it," or even "Fine fine fine....I could go on for ever, I'm so mediocre and fine, I have nothing of any interest to say..fine fine..."

Ultimately, fine means BAD.

I've typed the word "fine" so many times, that it has lost all meaning. Not that it had any in the first place.