Opa
I have had several very vivid dreams over the last week, all of them about my grandad (Opa) coming back. In these dreams, I remember things I don't remember when I am awake, and when I DO wake up, I'm still immersed in the surreal world I left. It takes me five minutes every morning to realise that my dream is all wrong, and that it's not the year 2000, but rather a Monday morning, October 2006.
After every dream I spend the day remembering (or trying to forget) the day of the first stroke, and Mami sitting on the bed in tears. I was still at primary school, about eight? The overwhelming joy when seeing him well. The overwhelming panic when it happened again. The swing in the gardens at the specialist hospital somewhere in the middle of Germany. The night he died.
All that was well over six years ago, but it hasn't gone away yet. It's always the random snatches of events that stay for ever. Like him singing a rude Christmas song, and my Oma slapping his wrist. Like him whispering that he would put a pirahna in Oma's bed. Like us playing dinosaurs together (he lay pretending to be a sleeping dinosaur on the sofa, me and my sister would tiptoe to wake him up, and he'd roar to life, chasing us through the flat. It kept my six year old self amused for hours at a time!) Like the many many many times he would read The Rainbow Fish to me in German, and I'd sit there stroking the shimmering rainbow scales. I still have the book somewhere.
Can the Dream Master (there has to be some higher power controlling my dreams. I won't believe that it's my subconsciousness telling me things!) please make me dream something less ... tear-inducing?
After every dream I spend the day remembering (or trying to forget) the day of the first stroke, and Mami sitting on the bed in tears. I was still at primary school, about eight? The overwhelming joy when seeing him well. The overwhelming panic when it happened again. The swing in the gardens at the specialist hospital somewhere in the middle of Germany. The night he died.
All that was well over six years ago, but it hasn't gone away yet. It's always the random snatches of events that stay for ever. Like him singing a rude Christmas song, and my Oma slapping his wrist. Like him whispering that he would put a pirahna in Oma's bed. Like us playing dinosaurs together (he lay pretending to be a sleeping dinosaur on the sofa, me and my sister would tiptoe to wake him up, and he'd roar to life, chasing us through the flat. It kept my six year old self amused for hours at a time!) Like the many many many times he would read The Rainbow Fish to me in German, and I'd sit there stroking the shimmering rainbow scales. I still have the book somewhere.
Can the Dream Master (there has to be some higher power controlling my dreams. I won't believe that it's my subconsciousness telling me things!) please make me dream something less ... tear-inducing?
kiwiqueen - 23. Oct, 00:39
