Well, being as I am the queen of kiwis, I thought it high time to write this; the ultimate guide on how to best eat your kiwi. Over the last couple of years, I have written two similar entries on different blogs, but this will be The Ultimate One.

A while ago, I had a debate with The Boyfriend about how best to eat your kiwi. I maintain, after these 14 or 15 months, that the best (I may go as far as to say the only) way to sucessfully eat a kiwi is by cutting it cleanly in half, and spooning out the contents.

The risk of sticky kiwi-fingers is far greater when adhering to the Misconcieved Rule which is my number two enemy (after wood pigeons landing on my attic window and staring me out, as happened yesterday. It stood directly above me and glowered through the double-glazing). The Misconcieved Rule is as follows:

1. Peel your kiwi using a fruit peeler.
2. When your hands become slippy past the point of being able to hold a kiwi, order the closest person to be your kiwi holder.
3. In the case that the kiwi is too soft, and therefore does not yield to a peeler, revert to the ancient method of hacking away at the furry peel using a blunt kitchen knife. The bits of flesh you cut off with the peel can be nibbled off using the two front teeth most humans are in possession of.
4. After peeling, cut what if left of the fruit itself into bitsize chunks.
5. If the kiwi slips away from the knife, forget the above stage, and simply take the fruit into your hand and eat it that way.
6. If you drop this evasive, slithering fruit, simply restart the process.

All that you have just read is completely unnecessary, and far too long-winded. Compare the length and content of that step-by-step instruction to that Concieved (?) Rule of mine:

1. Cut fruit in half with a sharp knife.
2. Spoon out contents

It makes sense. How do you eat yours?