This is a blah blah blah entry, because that's how I feel, and this is what I've been instructed to do.

Write about tea. I write about tea, as has been suggested. Tea is nice with or without milk. English breakfast mornings, Earl Grey afternoons and Rooibus evenings. No tea before bed. I make that very important rule number five. Tea before bed is a nuisance, like noisy sparrows and slippy spoons and broken things.

What else? It's getting dark earlier and earlier, and my mind is whirring. Maybe smiley-me is a façade? I don't even know myself. I'm thinking about last September October November December...etc. I don't think I could sink into such gloominess on command, however much it would swallow me up once I had sunken.

N.B. Stay away from the fans, however much the repetetive and lethal spinning of blades fascinates you. Tell the brutal truth, no matter how much it hurts. Off go the alarms of clichéd-ness

Very Important Rule Number Four:

You know things are bad when you start talking to inanimate objects. Like when you knock an apple off a table, and you find yourself saying "Oh God, sorry. I'm so clumsy today..." Another bad sign is finding sellotape in the fridge. Your keys in the bin.

When it gets to that stage, you must do one of two things.

1. Go to bed and stay there for at least a month
2. Go away. To Greenland. Australia. America. Again, stay away for a month.

Do it. People who talk to apples are no use to society.

Very Important Rule Number Three:

• Never ever ever ever ever leave your diary lying around.
• Never ever ever refer to two people using the same initial.
  (i.e. If you're writing about your ex, Bob, and you call him"B", don't, in the same paragraph, say you wish your current boyfriend, "B" (Baldrick) was snuggled up on the sofa with you.)
• Never assume your diary is read by you alone.
• Always make your bed yourself.

Very Important Rule Number Two:

People, don't eat, chew or suck the foil surrounding your Easter Eggs. Inhalation of the aforementioned article could cause choking. We all know green is a pretty colour, but really, inserting it into your mouth is not in any way beneficial.


Spit it out.

Very Important Rule Number One:

Never attempt to try on a pair of jeans you know won't fit you anyway. What was once a jubilant mood due to sudden turn around in weather and the appearance of the sun will deteriorate rapidly, possibly turning you into a snarling, bitter (lemon) fashion victim, violently tugging at jeans that won't go further than the middle of your thighs.