I hate you.

-No you don’t.

Yes I do. I hate you both. Very much.

-Why? Because we-

Because you attacked me with avocado paste.

-Well yes. We did.

And you got it on my shirt.

-Yes. Yes we did.

And are you sorry?

-[Giggles]

I hate you both.


Guestblog by Joe

This will be my last post on Kiwis blog. I am not sure if I was a good guestblogger or a heck of a good one, but I did my best and hopefully ruled the highway while trying too. Tomorrow is my 18th birthday and I cant wait to see the words “But you’re just a kid!” choke in moms mouth. Mwahaha.

Today was a day for total confusion on school. The kind of confusion where you just discover that you’re classes doesn’t match up and that you are supposed to be in THAT classroom when you at the same time is on the other part of school.

Everything was a giant question:

- Where ARE we?
- What are you doing?
- Where did you buy those schoolbooks?
- Do you need to buy old schoolbooks?
- Why did you buy those books from HIM?
- Where did you get that?
- The food cost’ WHAT?
- WHAT have you been drinking?
- Did that über-cute guy just start school?
- Did you just touch my coffee?
- What’s the time?
- Where IS everyone?!
- Am I going to change class?
- What’s my subject?
- WHERE ARE WE!!??

The biggest question people asked me was: What do you wish for for your birthday?

MONEEEEYY! I am going to buy a Canon EOS 350d camera.

But back to the point. I have loved being a guestblogger for my Kiwi, and Matt has done a ace job to. Now I just need to get back to my own blog: http://lominate.blogspot.com [Jesus is coming, look busy!], without getting lost on the way.
It’s been a blast, dear reader, and do pop in to my blog any time.

Right… Where am I?????!!!!!!


- Elisabeth Ice Cream

And so, today is the day that I post my last guestblog entry. I should probably say now that I'm really quite sorry about how uninteresting you might have found some of my entries, and I can only blame this on a sudden dip in interesting things going on in my life.

However, I will leave you with a blog entry focussing on what is happening in the world today.

You have not been reading the most boring blog entries ever. (Phew!) This honour goes to this blog here. Think yourself lucky!

The award, if there is one, for the most useless web page ever goes to The Big Red Button's home. Read and, well, weep.

If you're thinking of robbing a bank any time soon, make sure you've got the right equipment. Bank robbers in Malaysia have messed up a second attempt to steal cash machines after getting their excavator stuck! Just about as lucky as this man here.

Well, thank you for reading, I hope you have at least enjoyed reading some of the things I have provided. As of tomorrow, Kiwiqueen will return to this country and grace us with her presence (be it online or otherwise) once again.

Maybe I will be back.

Maybe she is too sensible? :-D

Thanks again.

Matt

Today this coffeebean started school. Over the last couple of days I had sleepless nights and the giant fear of suddenly loosing my sexiness and replacing that with rash all over the place. Because it started raining again here in Bergen (damn you England), my body didn’t do well with the changing of the weather, so my lips are now full of soar blisters. I really have no need of lipstick now. Curses!!

I missed school a lot. And today it was MY chance to sit in the area where before it had been a giant TABOO to sit. But this time it was my turn, and when I sat down, with a book and my mp3, then stared ahead of me and took it all in. It feels so weird that now I am the oldest one in school, I am now the person I admired two years ago.

Right now I have a bit of a pain in my head and body, I might be dehydrated, though too much on the F** cute boys at school, or just starting to become the most boring guestblogger evah.

I rule anyway.

- Elisabeth Ice Cream

I've lost it. It's official.

I thought I had misplaced it, but it turns out I was wrong. I just can't seem to find it! A matter of 18 months ago I was probably the most sarcastic person I knew (take that any way you like), and yet now I really and truly am not at all.

I used to love being sarcastic. In fact, I still admire those who can develop sarcastic yet dark and witty jokes that only a select few of us can comprehend.

In an effort to bring back this long-lost - as I see it, quality - of mine, I recently purchased Jimmy Carr LIVE on DVD. Absolutely fantastic.

"At the end of a show I once did, a woman came up to me.

'I think you're fattist', she said.

'No, I think you're fattest.'"

Quality.

So, if you see it lying around anywhere, please return it c/o GrumpyOldMatt.com. Thanks.

Take out the paper and the trash. Yakketi yak.

The song from the radio was filling the livingroom with joy and happiness. I have no idea who was singing, but I guessed the song was from the 50’s. It made me smile and think about “I love Lucy”. I personally think that if you get happy by thinking about Lucy, then you got good humour or you know what good memories are. In any way, I was happy while humming along to the song, then suddenly my MSN started nudging and a window popped up:

ELISABETH! Are you ok?

Right. Just to get this clear and get it over with. 3 days ago, I broke up with my first boyfriend ever (if you can even call it that after 2 weeks), because it turned out he only wanted 1 thing and when I couldn’t give it too him, he started wondering if I was a über – christian and if he had started going out with the wrong girl. His words, not mine.

So I broke up with the dude, and he didn’t seem as heartbroken as I wanted him too.

I want everyone to STOP asking me if I’m okay. I would rather ask “HIM” if he’s okay, because my life is very peachy and I feel relived and not that pressured to go and stare in the mirror for some unexpected zits or armpit-hear that should not be there. Why can’t you just say: I’m so happy for you! Or, there’s a good gal, read a book, drink tea (you know that tea cures all sickness and is for every occasion)?

Over the last couple of days, I have filled my body with any kind of warm liquid and lots of sugar. I don’t give a hoot about sugar not good for weight and blah blah blah, because I love my body and I love my self.

To bad for HIM.

Yakketi yak!

PS: My mother just banned me form watching "Pirates of the Carribien". Blasphemy!!!!!!!!

- Elisabeth Ice Cream

My favourite football team has a habit of winning 1-0, drawing 0-0 or losing 1-0.

Tonight, I decided to have a bet on us winning 1-0.

For the first time in ages under this manager...

...we won 2-0.

*bangs head on table*

Miss Ice Cream was walking down the street when a drug addict came towards her and smiled that typical sheepish smile they always have. Miss Ice Cream glares at the dude quick before moving faster away.

- ‘Scuse me, do you got some change for a “cup of coffee”? He said with a ironic smile and actually using the; “ when he said coffee.
- “Of course”!
I said and walked away.

Who said drug addicts didn’t have a sense of humour?

- Elisabeth Ice Cream

As I lay in the bath this evening I wish I could have fallen asleep. Ideally, baths should have a mattress-style bottom and cushioned sides so that you can make yourself especially comfy in even the most lukewarm of water.

I gazed up at the magazine I was reading, and the black ink that formed the words seemed to merge into the grey of the paper. I closed my eyes, squeezed them tightly and opened them again. A drop of water trickled from the corner of my eye. "Just the heat making you sweat," I told myself aloud.

I slowly rised up out of the grey water, reached for my phone as it lit up. Coincidence. I read the incoming message and switched on the radio, greeted with the line "When will Britney Spears have her baby?". Who cares? I fall deeper again into the bath, wondering if it would in fact be possible to fall asleep in the ever-cooling water. I decide no, and instead sit up and wipe my face with a nearby towel.

My ears lift - a distant sound of voices can be heard. I turn the radio off and there is a sudden silence. It is short-lived, however, as the voice of my mother and then my father can be heard. Shouting. Again.

I recall the conversation from earlier in the day. "You should stay at home when you go to university," said my mother. "It will be so much cheaper, and you'll be able to have your own room and everything for free."

No chance.

As a pro bookworm, I know how to get thru the entire day at Ikea without knowing where I am, what’s being bought, what’s being done or what’s happening. All mother had to be sure of was that her green sweater was in eyesight, and feed me when needed. I only looked up from my book once or twice to see witch part of the ant farm I was in now.

I still wonder how we actually got home…

- Elisabeth Ice Cream